I was exposed to sex at a really young age. Too young. It changed me. I know it did. I don't think that sex alone made me the way I am. I think it is a culmination of a lot of things. I didn't grow up with my mother. When I was in undergrad, I remember discussing the effects of parental separation, I was livid because at that time, I could not stand to be diagnosed (correctly). Looking back, it's funny that the list of things discussed applied to me fully and I denied it all. Some of the traits I think have been good for me. I have no problem moving to a city where I don't know anyone and I'm really good at disconnecting from people and places. Sometimes too good.
On the other hand, I'm not too good at revealing my real feelings to men, which makes it hard to connect.
In the episode, Analise's mom murdered her molester. I don't know anyone who has had that happen. Most moms that I know, even the "good" ones are completely oblivious about that happening to thier daughters. I think that growing up without a dad and being molested makes it even harder to ever feel imortant, especially if your mom or the woman raising you is critical.
Analise's mom said that men take things. When she said that, I felt a little emotional because I keep hearting that men are supposed to protect women. I'm trying to reject gender roles, but the man as the protector is the myth that I've been told my whole life. Told, but never experienced. It's like hearing about Santa Clause, but never getting a freaking present on Christmas! Lately, I've been thinking a lot about feeling protected. I realized that my female friends have always been more protective of me, than any of my male friends. I've never really felt protected by a man, especailly not the way my friends who grew up with dads seem to feel. This was especially evident when I was pregnant. No men jumped to my defense. Oh, well. I can defend myself just fine, but I'd be a straight up mentirosa if I said it wouldn't be nice to feel protected. I'm pretty sure that this has effected my romantic relationships.