We are eight days into the second month of 2021 and my motto for the year popped into my head last night. It's reclaiming my shine. I was motivated by going back through all of the keepsakes that I have collected since moving to Los Angeles. I realized that somewhere along the way, I let my shine come and go as it pleased, so I have decided to reclaim my shine this year and hold on to it. The funny thing is that I didn't know that I was shining. lol! I only realized it when I started going through old footage, journal entries and calendars. Your girl was shining! I don't know where all the energy came from, but I had a genuine excitement.
I genuinely can't say when I started deciding that I was going to adjust my inner light, but I know it happened. Logic tells me that it had to start slowly and then build until I got to a place where I felt regular or as close to regular as I could be given my natural inclination to not follow the crowd. I think that I failed so much that I stopped believing in myself and even in my triumphs, I allowed my fear of failing yet again affected my illumination. I think that there was a point in my life that I felt left behind by all of my friends and family and a part of me felt that I was deserted because I was never truly worthy of having the existence that I created in my daydreams. It stings my chest a little to write that . . . it could also be that my bra is too tight though. I listened this audiobook by Louise Hay the other day. It was so good, but I stopped listening when she started urging me to talk to my inner child. I don't want to think about her. She was cool and all, I think, but I want to focus on now. I may revisit that section of the book in the future, but I'm not going to wait until I have a chit chat with little Breezy (yep, that was my name when I was little) before I reclaim my shine.
When my shine was at it's shiniest, I was always the center of attention. lol! I know the sounds arrogant, but I was and I noticed. The thing is that I didn't want be the center attention. I wanted to blend in sometimes. I think that I worked toward it but I think that trying to blend in took away some of the shine that I need to have in order to stand out and be successful at the things I want to do. I didn't want to stand out because I didn't want people to feel small or intimidated by me. I didn't want to attract some of the needy characters that I attracted. Standing out puts a bit of a target on you. You rub some people the wrong way. I didn't want to do that, but I realize now that I have to be concerned with myself and I cannot dim my light to accommodate others. So . . . I think it's time to reclaim my shine! I'm going to do it! And so it is. And I'm not spell checking this post because I don't have to because it's my blog and I can do what I want!! #YAAAAASSS